Help Parenting Teens Part 3

Mindset Four

That you must exert control over your child else you'll be sorry.

This can only be true if your previous relationship with your kid is zero. That's is if you've not invest time to add value, yes, this fear is justified. You will be making matter worse by deciding to control, rather what you should do is seek balance between you and your child. The kind of freedom today’s youth have, parents don't have them when they were young. This is mainly due to parents spending longer time at work, which gives teens enough time to dabble into things that may not be healthy for them. Nobody to supervise them, they get to watch movies of their choice, browse the internet. These privileges should be determined by the parents.

What to do--- Be willing to listen

When you perceive control as the last option for your child, you might want to first know why your child is behaving the way he is, it could be that there is a request he want fulfilled. Find out and make sure to listen. The next step is weigh this request base on their level of maturity and how responsible they are. Even if they don't qualify, the way you answer them matters a lot. You would want to change that "NO" word to something more subtle. If you must disagree, at least listen to the "why" they want what they're requesting, else you cause problems. You can decide to let them have their way but with limits. Teach them how they should design a convincing argument. Let them know the difference between Needs and Wants, you can ask them to make list of their Needs and wants. Having time to teach them all these vital things, go a long way in instilling confidence in them, drawing them closer to you.

Let them know their limits

When you set limits for your teens, they might get agitated by it. It's ok. You might hear them say how hard your rules and they wish their friend's family is their parents. But don't make anything a surprise for your teens, they must be involved, when the rules are being made and also means respecting their point of view. Make sure the rules are agreed upon. Expect drama, they will sometimes disagree with some rules. It will get heated, take a break before continuing. Let them know after the break, you discuss it together. This will make each you reflect on what happened and what to say to agree on the same ground. You must understand the importance of not showing any kind of parental control in the discussion. Show no emotion when your teen begins to argue, that's their nature, they will argue for the sake of arguing. It's just a way of defending their position. Be ok with it.

Doing this don't not make you less parent, but creating balance of power and control. When you involve teens in decision making process, it make them feel they important and valued in the family, and this further strengthen their relationship with you.

Mindset five

That teen are temperamental, rebellious and never serious

Always look at the brighter side of the teens life. The must be some good about the teen, fill yourself with these. Teens are very creative, have many ideas about life. Teens are not adult yet, they're still growing. Their mental and social aspect of their lives is improving. Physical changes are taking places within them, their thinking and reasoning is becoming complex, your support at this is very valuable at this time of their developmental phase. Let them know you're there to guide them, thus making them making the right decisions.

What to do---Look out for the positive developing aspect to mold into what you want.

Part of what they want to know about as they growing up is the issue of relationships and their bodies, make sure you're ready to fill them with information. If you don't they will seek for the information else where, through sources like television, internet, magazines. They want to know about the unknown. Let them know you're there for them, to listen, talk, answer the questions, find groups for them to join. They sometimes act out adult roles. Be the right model for them to follow. Be very close to their friends, to know where they're when you're not with them.

To effectively influence teens, realize that what you do is more important to what you say. If parents practice what they preach, influencing the teens becomes much easier. They watch us how we do things, this is what's to them the right thing to do. If you want to child to tell you where they, who they with and what they're doing, you should show your child how go about it, by providing this same information to their children. If parents want their children to be respectful, to have god manners and not to use foul language, then parent should model this same behavior to their children and to other adults.

Mindset Six

That teen alone care about themselves

Everything your child is, is what you communicated. If you desire your child to be thoughtful of others, then communicate these qualities to them by caring talk and showing that you really care. Act the way your teens to act, they will mirror the same back to us. It is what you give them they will give back. Engage each other with caring talk asking why question in an interesting way. Start by using open-ended questions. It could be a movie you’re watching or observing people. You can learn to use it anywhere, ask questions such as, What do you think about... ? Why do you think they acted that way? How could we figure this out? The result is building the child to be thoughtful of other which in turn change his outlook towards others.
You must also learn to let them know you admire certain qualities about them. Name what you admire about them and encourage them to build on it.

Do these and you gradually begin to build trust, not only building it, it should be maintained making sure it isn't misused. The use of caring talk is very important if want your child to act that way, but remember to model it first, then rest will follow. The effect is respect for others, moral development and caring behavior towards others.

Invest time. Teens want to spend more time with their parents, if their parent will only listen to them. Put the whole of you into it. Also let you teens be teens, realize that they will sometime want to argue, let them it's part of their makeup. Get comfortable with this stage of development, but let them know what you expect of them. Communication is very important here, by letting them know what you expect from them, and as long as you make yourself approachable, there be no problem.

Know that teens need attention just as your other depended children only this time in a different way. So do not exclude your teen because he's able to express himself with more freedom.

Teens are individuals. Whatever you want your child to become, model them first to your child. Your child will represent you out side, what value have you impacted to him? Know this, and put things right. Talk with your teens and show them how you want it done. Your job as a parent is love and guide them right.